My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --- ------  --------- --------- ---------
--------- ---------  -----

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

someplace expensive...  so, I took her to  a gas  station.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- ---------  --------- --------- ---------
--------- ---------  -----

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
the woman

that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back  later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.  So I opened my shirt revealing

my curly silver hair.   She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is
proof enough

for me' and she  processed my Social Security application.  When I got
home,

I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security
office. She said,

'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability,
too.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- ---------  --------- --------- ---------
--------- ---------  -----

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,

and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'  'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago,

and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife,

'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight t started...

------------ --------- ---------  --------- --------- --------- ------

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

--------------------------------

A  woman is standing nude, looking  in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ ---------  --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- ---------  --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.

I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

------------ --------- ---------  --------- ------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"  she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- ---------  --------- --------- ----

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have  sex?" "No," she
answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"  She didn't even look at me
this time,

simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....